Diamonds In The Rough: 3 Games That Are Almost Awesome

You wouldn't believe it from reading my reviews, but there are games out there that are in fact neither the worst thing ever created nor the second coming of He who is Christ.  Sometimes, a great idea simply gets screwed up by the game that gets in the way.  Will some of these (slightly older) titles tickle your fancy in spite of their flaws?   More after the jump!

The holiday season is just around the corner, and this means a great deal of things to a whole lot of people.  There's family, togetherness, the joy of giving, the thrill of knowing that soon it will be one more year before you have to see your relatives again...  For me, however, it means one primary thing: motherfucking game sales. Yes, I know everything goes on sale around the holidays, but seriously, check out Steam around Thanksgiving or Christmas.  And that doesn't even take in to account the massive influx of used games stores get after every Christmas that get price dropped due to overstock.  The amount of money I have spent on games simply because they were available and cheap that day is mind boggling, and every time I try to add it up, my brain puts a block on the whole process for fear of whatever dreaded financial total that may come of it.  This means that I acquire a lot of games that I will probably not even get around to playing until summer (Overdue Review fodder galore, though), or games that I will buy because I always meant to check them out, only to find them bland and generic and never touch them again.  But in the holiday game-acquiring-fever, I've noticed a real trend: I wind up playing a bunch of games that are aaaaaaalmost good, right up until I wake up in the hospital to a kind old doctor telling me I suffered what they call a "rage-stroke".  So while not out and out recommendations, these are some games that may just find a home with someone willing to put up with their sometimes gaping, gaping flaws.  Wanna take in a stray for the holidays?  How about...

What it is: You play as Matt Hazard, a fictional (yet prolific in the in game universe) action video game hero, as he guns his way through numerous levels that a sinister software company CEO cooked up in order to kill you in an over the shoulder 3rd-person shooter that has its tongue boring a hole straight through its cheek.

Play it on: Xbox 360 and PS3

And it's good because: The writers of this game truly and definitively understand one thing, and that is video game tropes.  The fun thing about this game is that Matt Hazard is aware that he is in a videogame, so all of the standard shooter settings (old west, factory, another factory, docks) are acceptable in the name of industry parody.  Each level almost serves as a commentary on the elements that have become so standard in so many shitty 3rd party developed shooters, and it can be very satisfying to see your gripes with other games go acknowledged within the narrative.  Also, Hazard is voiced by Will Arnett of Arrested Development fame, while your nemesis is none other than Neil Patrick Harris, so that's a pretty big win.  They are funny, funny dudes, and the cutscenes will make you crack up like none other.

But the catch is: Here's a tip straight from me to any other game developers out there: if you are going to use your game as a commentary on other games to point out what is wrong with them and the elements that they are too eager to lean on, DO NOT RELEASE A BROKEN GAME.  The cover mechanic is just atrocious, aiming is finnicky at best, and numerous times my crosshairs would drift left for no reason whatsoever.  Enemies will simply rush you at random, which in my mind defeats the purpose of it being a COVER BASED shooter.  When I lost, I never felt like it was because I was bested, but simply because I was overwhelmed when the game decided to make everyone charge me at once for no reason.

Play it if: You can put up with a pretty broken game that has some really astute and clever writing with better comic timing than classic Mel Brooks, but AI dumber than a ham sandwich.  I literally put up with this game in order to watch the cutscenes, but that should be an indicator of how riotously funny they can be.

What it is: A first person (mostly) open world shooter from Crytek, set in 2020 in North Korea.  You are part of an elite military squad with some crazy robot suits sent in to investigate some unusual activity in the area with shocking sci-fi results.

Play it on: PC (one with a good graphics card, because oh my god this game will give it a workout)

And it's good because: Your elite military squad gets special suits that use your replenishing energy for shield, strength, speed, and invisibility upgrades.  This allows you a lot of tactical options to cause some truly splendid chaos in one of the best looking shooters I've played (and this game came out in 2007 for god's sake).  I'm not usually one to praise games on graphics alone, but oh my god this game is so very pretty, which is all the better for shooting down tons of guys with some pretty decent AI.

But the catch is: I don't quite know what Crysis wants out of me.  I try to play as tactically and covertly as possible, attempting to lure my enemies in to clever traps, then cap them with a silenced round to the dome to avoid alerting their counterparts.  I often wind up executing this almost all of the way, right up until the skillful takedown part, where my shots suddenly register about as significantly as your average nerf gun and have about as much accuracy as if my character was having an epileptic fit.  Then the enemies all swarm on my position and I spend the rest of the fight crouching, cloaking, running, shooting, repeating.  OK, so maybe the game wants me to be a little aggressive every now and again.  That would be all well and good if every enemy didn't take at least 10 shots to down unless you manage to hit their head amidst the rampant crosshair wobbling.  Also, it would be GREAT if your shields held out for more than a couple of hits.  My point is, if you're going to make me go for stealth, make the stealth fun for god's sake.  Cloaking, running 10 feet, waiting for my energy to recharge, recloaking, and inching forward in kind is not any goddamned fun.  And making you uncloak/killing your shields the second you shoot? For god's sake, the fucking thing only lasts about 5 seconds while you move anyway, so why suddenly drop you in full view as soon as you fired a shot that failed to hit because the targeting sucks so much?

Still play it if: I don't know, as much as I complain, I've been playing Crysis for like 10 straight hours over the last few days.  The plot isn't that compelling, you feel like a weak little kitten in spite of the super-soldier conceit, and the environments are very, VERY samey.  Still, when circumstances align just so, it can be a very satisfying and well rounded shooter.  This game is for the patient and meticulous type, as I feel like many of my problems could be solved if my idea of fun was crouching in the bushes for 10 minutes.  But much like I said in my Hitman retro review, few things are cooler than the occasions where everything goes exactly right, and this will happen JUST often enough to keep you interested. 

What it is: No.  No I can't actually do this.  I shouldn't have to explain what Serious Sam is.  Imagine Doom, but like, times a million.  And now it's in HD. 

Play it on: PC and Xbox Live Arcade

And it's good because: I'm sorry, do I also have to explain why Doom, but like, times a million is fucking awesome?  You are a bad enough dude to rescue the president, you have some big guns, and there seem to be a lot of things trying to kill you, so you should probably kill them first.  With the biggest gun you have.

But the catch is: The difficulty curve.  Oh my god, the difficulty curve.  You will power through the first 3 levels, only to get to the 4th and find that suddenly every room spawns approximately one thousand enemies in completely random corners at random intervals.  Oh, and suddenly there is no more ammo.  Anywhere.  Except for the rooms that spawn about twice as many dudes as the ammo you just grabbed can take out.  Also, everything just doubled in size.  Also, as much as that classic feel can be a lot of fun, the game does tend to show its age, as all this version is is an HD reskin.  Probably one of the most frustrating signs of its age is the lack of down-the-barrel aiming.  This has become pretty standard in shooters in the last decade, and playing games that don't have it feels... sloppy at times.

Still play it if: You want to play Doom, but times a goddamned million.  What part of this do I have yet to sell you on?