Overdue Review: Bulletstorm (PC, Xbox 360, PS3)

Butler is going to try to write this review as quickly as possible so that he can get back to playing more Bulletstorm.  Spoiler alert: it is great in almost every way.  Details after the jump...

I was actually not that up on Bulletstorm as a title until a few weeks ago when the promotional Call of Duty parody (Duty Calls) hit the internet to, while nothing resembling raging acclaim, at least moderate intrigue.  Hell, at the time, I didn't even know that it was essentially a 5 minute long interactive Bulletstorm advertisement, simply a CoD parody.  When the video played at the end showing ridiculous weapons, giant monsters, explosions of Michael Bay proportions, and just all-out-balls-right-on-the-wall lunacy, all preceded with the question "tired of the same old shooters?" I immediately took interest.  I AM tired of the same old shooters.  Hell, the only CoD game I played for more than an hour or two was the latest one, and that's because they took the time to actually give it a crazy story with semi-interesting characters.  Even titles I like are stagnating.  New Fallout: New Vegas content was released last week and I didn't even goddamn buy it because as much as I love its writing, knowing I'm basically playing Oblivion again and again is starting to get old.  Dead Space 2 was great while it lasted, but I'll freely admit that I haven't gone back to it pretty much since I reviewed it.  If it's not a CoD clone, it's a Gears of War or Grand Theft Auto clone, and Jesus Christ can I just play something that feels NEW?

Because games where I shoot people that look 

like this (until an inevitable betrayal by

a shadowy PMC) are getting OLD.

Well enter Bulletstorm to save the goddamn day.  It drank a gallon of whiskey, loaded itself up with heavy explosives, kicked in the door, and obliterated the walls of my prison of samey, dusty, unoriginal shooters.  What I am trying to say is that I have not had this much over the top fun with a game since Just Cause 2.  But unlike the batshit adventures of Rico Rodriguez, People Can Fly and Epic Games actually put people that know how to write in charge of the script.  That isn't to say that it's entirely original, however: You are Grayson Hunt, leader of an elite military unit called Dead Echo, who inevitably finds out that they have been killing innocent people at the behest of their Sadistic Commander, General Saranno, whose motives are never made that clear, other than that he is evil (also known as "The Albert Wesker Approach").  I was willing to forgive that lack of characterization, however, because his dialogue featured some of the most laugh out loud hilarious combinations of expletives to which I have ever borne witness.  We're talking phrases like "suck the tears off my dick, you dirty mud fuckers" as he mows down mutant hordes, or chastising Hunt as a "goddamned fungal rimjob".

Basically this guy, if he was the Nabokov of vulgarity.
Also pure evil.

Anyway, flash forward a year later and Grayson and co. are being hunted by General Sarrano, who told his new Dead Echo unit that their predecessors went rogue.  When it looks like they're about to go down, Hunt orders a kamikaze run on Sarrano's ship, causing them both to crash land on a hostile alien world populated with warring factions of mutants, sentient and malicious plant life, and downright monsters.  I'll skip past the inevitable death of some of your squadmates to the part where you keep one alive (Ishi) by fusing him with a robot.  And so the two set off to find a way off world.

I want to talk about the writing just a little bit more, because it is a large factor of what elevated this game in my esteem from "very good" to "great", and then I promise I'll talk gameplay.  It is funny, it is self-aware without being overly cheeky about it (some cheekiness is inevitable), and it is surprisingly smart.  A large part of the story is Hunt's guilt over his drunken thirst for revenge getting half his squad killed and his overall realization at his shot at redemption (saving his traveling-mates).  That isn't to say that it isn't vulgar, and Hunt doesn't do things like lament that he named his now-destroyed giant robot "Waggleton P. Tallylicker", but much like with General Sarrano, there is a certain level of expertise applied to the humor and excessive vulgarity that makes it at least funny, if not pretty natural.  Granted, amidst the humor, the moments where they try to humanize the man-shooty-badasses do feel kind of overwrought.  And even though the plot isn't the most original thing in the world (kinda Borderlands-ish), the story always felt character driven, and the protagonists' choices fit with their established backgrounds and behaviors.  If not the deepest writing in the world, it is at least tightly assembled, and that deserves commendation in and of itself.

Though I won't lie: the "natural" choice  of Grayson Hunt generally
comes down to "blowing shit up"

OK, so gameplay.  In my mind, the game handles like a combination of Serious Sam and Mad World.  There are large hordes of enemies, absurd weapons (such as the above-pictured "Cannonball Launcher"), and perhaps most importantly, plenty of environmental hazards to make those kills extra special.  And you're going to need to make them extra special as often as you can, because much like Mad World, the core gameplay is heavily linked to the points you are awarded for challenging or elaborate kills.  There are 135 separate "Skill Shots" tied to various weapons, situations, objects in the environment, what have you, that I invite you to peruse, for they are fairly comprehensive and seeing the complete list offers a decent sense of the amount of work put in to this game.  That isn't to say that you're going to use all 135 all the time, and it does seem weird, given that spiked or electrified surfaces are everywhere, that they award so many points for killing enemies by flinging them into such objects, but damn does it stay fun trying to pull off as many as you can.  You use the points you gain from Skill Shots to upgrade or buy new weapons and resupply on ammo.  I found that on normal, I was never really hurting for skill points, and advise people playing through on that difficulty to not worry about conserving them in case you won't be able to afford new upgrades later.  You will always be able to afford them later.  Hard, in addition to the obvious decrease in damage you take vs. increase in damage enemies take, makes upgrades and ammo significantly more costly, so should you be playing on that difficulty, conservation and specialization become more of an issue.  Though bonuses are awarded for discovering new Skill Shots, which is a great incentive to continue playing with various combinations of kicks, slides, shooting, electro-whip, and various hazards throughout the game.

Hell, evaporating a man down to his skeleton is one of the
more tame shots you can pull off.

This next part would be where I talk about problems I have with the game, but here's the thing: I don't really have any to speak of.  The fact that there was no quick-save, simply checkpoints did get irksome at times, but I also understood why it would kill the hectic pace that makes this game so awesome.  Some kills do seem to get a little ho-hum (especially kicking dudes off cliffs or into spikes), but they are tempered with a high enough frequency of "HOLY SHIT DID YOU SEE WHAT I JUST DID?" moments that again, I found it forgivable.  I can't attest to the strength of the multiplayer, but from what I understand, it is currently solely co-op based and revolves around arena matches wherein your team tries to maximize their skill points, which to me sounds at least promising if not fun.  Playing Bulletstorm delivers an intense, fast paced, fun, and hilarious experience, and I recommend to anyone who felt like I did that shooters have been languishing for years to go out and get this now, because you will have an absolute blast.