WordsFinest 100th Post Extravaganza!

 Oh hello, adoring fans and devout readers. It's a special day. This is our 100th post on WordsFinest - a marvelous milestone which deserves your generous applause. Go ahead. Clap.

Clap, dammit.

No? Alright, we understand. We were once humorless prudes, too. We'll save the clapping for the two-hundredth post. That's what this is about - the future! The next 100 posts. Are you sufficiently titillated? Read on!

Today, you will be privileged with a look into the future. Get ready for some hot three-way action, because our three full-time writers will be discussing their most-anticipated topics within the next 100 posts, as well as topics they will hopefully never have to write about. Shall we get started?

Butler
Eagerly Awaits: Duke Nukem Forever

Thirteen years.  This game has been in development for just over half the time I have been alive.  It is a punchline in and of itself; the Chinese Democracy of the nerd world.  When 3D realms kicked the bucket in 2009, it looked like this joke was going out with a piffle, rather than a roar.  But Duke Nukem has an interesting power over the gaming masses in that any time anyone says anything about it, we all perk up our heads to pay attention (even if it was only to laugh derisively in the later years).  So of course, when Gearbox (developers of WWII shooter Brothers in Arms and the wacky sci-fi shooter/RPG Borderlands) said over the summer that they were officially picking up the ball on the Duke, everyone sat up and listened.  This, however, was a good kind of listen, as anyone who has played Borderlands knows that it was fucking awesome.  However, they have been milking that game's tired and bleeding udders for what feels like an eternity, and its good to see them move on.  What's more, Borderlands proved that sci-fi, humor, and explosions are something Gearbox does well.  I look forward to getting around to reviewing this game about a month after it comes out and I have time to play it.  As a reviewer, I'm set either way.  If it's awesome, then huzzah! I get to play an awesome game! If it sucks, I get to put my smuggest hat on, climb up to the tallest pedestal I can find at the icy apex of opinion peak, and verbally hurl this game off of it.

Is waiting with great trepidation for: Kinect season

I have already made my feelings about Microsoft's Kinect peripheral perfectly clear, and it seems only fitting that today is the release date for this motion control afterbirth.  You see, at this point Microsoft has dumped way too much time, energy, and money in to the Kinect hype machine, so when people inevitably say, "fuck you, I will spend a little more money and buy a PS3 instead", they won't be able to simply let the damn thing die.  I am as confident as one can reasonably be about anything that Kinect will fail, but we will be treated to a slew of hastily produced crap trying to force this trend down our throats.  We will have to sit through all the same gimmicky bullshit that we did with the Wii: no controller, all of the impracticality.  Why in god's name would I want games that require me to run and flail around the room?  I cringe at all the time that will be wasted on this gimmick that could be put in to games that are actually fun to play, and with the PC exclusive becoming a thing of the past for all but a few genres, this means that a downward trend in innovation for Microsoft will mean a downward trend in development for cross console titles overall.  In short, apart from a few scattered large releases, I expect a lot of mediocrity out of the next few months and an overall negative impact on my holiday season while the gaming world finishes blowing its embarrassing motion control load. Oh, and please, before you fanboys start flipping out about how my picture is totally wrong and how Kinect is oh so different from Wii, please shut up.  I know the technology is different, but the application is going to play out identically.

Dylan
Eagerly Awaits: True Grit

  The Coen Brothers. A Western. Jeff Bridges, wearing an eye patch and looking like he'll shoot you if you even look at him the wrong way. Are you excited yet? Because if you're not, I don't think I want to know you.
The genius pair of brothers that have brought us modern classics like the dark comedy/noir The Big Lebowski and the brilliant thriller No Country For Old Men are back with True Grit, a quasi-remake of the 1969 John Wayne western. I say "quasi" because apparently the original didn't follow the novel it was based on, which inspired the Coens to re-make it.
So why I am excited? Well, first of all, it's the goddamn Coen Brothers. They're some of the best auteurs (that's fancy talk for directors who care about story) out there. Then there's Bridges in the lead role, and looking badass as ever. Josh Brolin is back with the Coens again as well, as a man who has killed a young girl's father. The actress picked to play her is a newcomer, but even in a three minute trailer you can already tell she's going to give a great performance. Rounding it all out is Matt Damon as a Texas ranger, and I mean, come on, you know you've always to see that. Quite possibly the cherry on top for this film is that it's a western, and looks like it's gonna be a damn good one. Personally, I feel like we could use more gritty westerns and less Michael Bay movies (Transformers sucked, OK?)
Anyway, go watch the trailer here so you can get as excited as I am.

Wishes it would never see the light of day: Yogi Bear

 God dammit. I can't remember what started the trend of ruining childhood memories of great cartoons with s****y computer animated/live action crap fests. I suspect it was Garfield (the horror...the horror!). But hey, at least Bill Murray admitted he regrets it in Zombieland. We're cool, Bill.
Still, the trend continued with Garfield 2...and on, and on. This Christmas, we will be presented with the turd that is Yogi Bear 3D (yes...I think the "3D" is actually part of the official title). And once again, it stars a comedy legend, Dan Akroyd, as Yogi Bear. WHY DAN, WHY? Then there's Justin Timberlake as Booboo Bear. Look, I'll give Timberlake this. He's got pretty good acting chops. He was great in The Social Network. But you know he was cast because some clueless moron in Hollywood thought "Hey, he's hip with the kids today!" Actually, his demographic is older than 5-10, moron. I won't grace you with the trailer, but you don't need to see it to know it's got all the same ingredients: horrible pop culture jokes that will be irrelevant even 2 years down the road, lots of farting, and "humor" that consists of people hitting their head and/or ass on things. Sigh.
Remember when kids' holiday movies were good? Remember A Muppet Christmas Carol and Home Alone: Lost In New York? Yes, they had some silly physical humor and such, but they're timeless because rather than take something that's perfectly fine already and trying to make it cool for a new generation, they work on old standards of holiday movies and when it comes down to it, there's emotion to them.
I miss those days.

Aaron

Has A Raging Boner For: Green Lantern trailers

I'm going to say this with all the respect I can spare: Marvel fans can go suck Thor's big sweaty penhammer, because Green Lantern is going to rape Thor at the box office. Martin Campbell (Casino Royale) is leading a stunning cast to create the next science fiction epic - an effort so large in scope and rich in character that early set visitors are already calling it the next Star Wars. The first trailer will be attached to Deathly Hallows this month.

Will Slay Tiny Kittens Because Of: No Ordinary Family receiving a full-season order

No longer having Lost on your network is not an excuse for punishing your viewers with twenty-two episodes of this pathetic superhero drama that even Smallville fans won't touch. Seriously, why would you not make a family comedy if you were going to pay homage to The Incredibles? Shame on you, Disney. Shame.

Thanks again!

Thank you for reading our site, people of the internet. Also, special thanks to Avery and the freelancers (Ryan, Allison, and Keri) who contributed their talent to make these first 100 posts so awesome. Salute!       -WordsFinest Team-